Integrated Development Environments (IDEs)
If you're feeling very geeky, you could use one of the very old skool IDEs, many of which have a solid fanbase despite all the odds. These include: vi ("VI", or "v-eye"), and EMACS ("e-macs"). Ports are available for all major operating systems, should you be crazy enough to want to use one.
________________________________________ is a common feature of most IDEs.
The colouring of keywords and other types of code
The ability to distribute code directly to users when rebuilt
A button that causes bluebirds and squirrels to clean up your office
The option to explore hardware connected to your network for use in your code
A big red button labelled "Don't Push"
Correct! Building a system to distribute updates to users is possible, but it isn't a default IDE behaviour. It wouldn't be very wise anyhow; one wrong button push could distribute broken code to everyone (not that that's never happened!). The option to explore local hardware is also something not commonly built into IDEs, though it could kinda be done in, for example, Microsoft's IDE for their languages: Visual Studio. Bluebirds and squirrels are only controlled by the singing of Disney Princesses. If you happen to be one, you could probably build a plugin for Netbeans or Eclipse that plays an appropriate MPEG file, but this functionality isn't built into either IDE by default. Sadly.